We're here, always
by Wholocked Merlin
Summary: When Dean breaks, he thinks the only way out is suicide but his brother and his best friend will never let that happen. No Slash! HurtDean! Protective Sam! Trigger warning. First SPN FIC OF MANY!
1. Chapter 1 - I'm sorry Sammy

**Hey SPN fans please enjoy my first fic.**

 **Disclamier: I don't own any of the characters.**

 **Auto correct keep making Castiel into Castile, I can't stop it.**

 **Set after 09x14**

Sam knew from the moment he stepped into his room after Kevin left with his mother that there was something wrong with Dean; he couldn't help but think it was his fault for everything he said to Dean about not being brother's anymore, telling him that he wouldn't let an angel posses him to save his life – which was a lie that he regret after saying it, but part of him believed it but he still would protect Dean with his life.

He saw a piece of torn paper on his bed, his eyebrows knit together; he walked slowly toward the bed, Kevin wasn't the best at using his ghostly powers but he had been strong enough to leave Sam a message, he picked it up and his heart dropped, ' _Dean is hurting himself, physically and mentally, please Sam help him.'_ Dean didn't seem as someone who would self harm but Sam didn't know Dean in every way possible.

Sam threw the paper in the bin, then slowly ran down to his brother's bedroom, being quiet he opened the door; Dean was looking down on his arm, blood dripping down it in rivers, "Dean?" Sam knocked pretending he hadn't seen what he had just seen, Dean freaked out at the sound of his little brother's voice, he threw his knife away then stood up placing his hands behind his back.

Sam walked in then walked to a shaking Dean taking a grasp of the eldest Winchester's arm, who used his strength to keep it back, but the tallest brother was stronger than him, Dean's face paled, old scars were gone now but the new one's were still fresh, a lot of blood falling down his arm out of his vein below the crease in his elbow, he wobbled a little but Sam caught him lowering him to the bed, "Wait here." Sam ordered, he ran into Dean's bathroom, he frantically tried to find a towel, but Dean's shower room was a mess. When he found it he ran out.

Dean had tears running down his pale face as his baby brother ran back out, he placed it on Dean's wound; Sam placed his hands on his brother's face, "Look at me." Dean kept looking at the floor as Sam stopped the bleeding, "Hey look at me you jerk!" Sam ordered, Dean's green eyes met Sam's, "Do you take everything I say seriously, I never told you to hurt yourself Dean! I love you too much for that, you're my big brother and if you ever feel this way, you tell me! No matter what situation we are in, be it that we're at each other's throats or we're the best of friends! You always tell me, you okay with that." Sam screamed.

"Sammy...I'm sorry." Dean got out, warm salty tears ran down his face rolling off his cheeks, once they started, he couldn't stop them; his tears just kept tumbling down his pale face until they became silent, he just caught sobs in his mouth, "I'm-" He chocked.

Sam wrapped his arms around his brother, Dean buried his head into Sam's shoulder then wailed, "I know you're sorry, just let it all go." Sam told him not letting of his big brother, he grabbed Dean's mp3 player from the side as Dean tighten his grip; his sobbing now silent but Sam could feel his chest rising then his breathe coming out in small gasps. He pressed play on _Carry on my wayward son lullaby version,_ Dean had almost five different version of the song, it was the song his mother used to play to him when he was young.

Sam placed the headphones over Dean's ears; his wayward brother seemed to calm down almost straight away, just his last few tears escaping. Sam held down the towel but never once did he let go of Dean. When Sam had been young Dean would play _Carry on my wayward son_ to help Sam get to sleep but also help himself, all the different version playing on their old radio; it drove their father crazy but it was their song which meant the world to them.

It didn't take long for Dean to fall into a deep well deserved sleep, Sam lay him down under the duvet but kept his injured arm up on the cover which he stitched up, he went round looking for everything sharp; he picked up all the hidden dagger, knifes, butter knifes from Dean floor, draws; wardrobe, behind the bed stand – Sam felt tears fall down his face after he found almost fifty knifes hidden in Dean's room, some of them could never be used for hunting, but could definitely be used to hurt oneself.

He walked out the room and hidden them in his room, then walked back to take all the ammunition out of Dean's loaded guns, when they went hunting he would give it back to Dean but right now; he wasn't taking any chances. After he had been he got Dean into his pyjamas, which was just a plain blue t-shirt with matching pants, he made sure his brother's arm was bandages were tight enough, he make sure Dean's head phones were comfortable with his songs playing on shuffle then he tucked him in.

On the way out he turned the light off then closed the door, he turned back resting his head on the door as tears ran down his face, he walked off back to his room but that night Sam Winchester never got any sleep, it was too painful; everything Dean was going through had been kept from Sam but not this time, this was now Sam's problem; Dean was his brother and what ever happened Sam must protect his big brother from himself.


	2. Chapter 2 - I'm not a baby Sammy

**Enjoy!** **Nothing more to say!**

The next morning Dean woke up covered in his own sweat, his arm was numb and his heart was beating way too fast, he tried to call out for Sam but his throat was dry, no sound came out of his mouth. He got up but feel directly to his legs making a loud thumping noise, he heard running down the corridor of his brother; he grabbed the nightstand and yanked himself up.

Sam cracked the door open, "Hey Dean?" Sam said gently, Dean smirked when Sam opened the door, "You okay?" He asked, Dean walked over tapping his brother on the shoulder, "You know the cheeky smirk, the tapping of my shoulder, it's not going to make me think you're good." Sam told him.

"Sam, yesterday was wrong, I haven't done that it a long time." Dean started but was cut of shortly afterwards.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Kevin left me a note." Sam told him, Dean cursed Kevin then walked off a little, "How long...how long have you..." Sam blinked trying to get the question out in one sentence.

"A few years." Dean answered, Sam cursed with words even Dean would never want to repeat, Dean was sure Sam had used Latin swear words, he would be sure the check that out later, "Okay Sam tell me what you really feel." Dean exclaimed, "This is me, the real me the self harming; suicidal freak, okay man!" Dean shouted.

Sam stopped breathing for a second as he tried to process what Dean had spat in his face, "Sam, breathe you bitch!" Dean ordered, Sam breathed out then looked back to his brother, who was looking for his knifes, "You hid them all, didn't you?" Dean asked, Sam nodded, Dean went frantic, looking around under everything, he looked to Sam who looked at him sadly, "Sam you don't understand, self harm is like an addition, I can't just stop!" Dean roared.

"Yes you can." Sam said stepping forward clasping Dean's wrist, he brought him up to the second brotherly hug in a week, "It will be fine, I promise." Sam told him with hope in his eyes.

"That's what you always say." Dean said, "That's what Dad always said when he took my daggers of me." Dean cried, _his father had known about this, now this was ten times worse!_

"Well this time, it will be fine." Sam told him, "I made you breakfast, I have to pick Castiel up, his car's broken, he thinks he has something." Sam lied, "Will you be fine by yourself?" Sam asked.

"I'm not a baby Sammy; I'm going to eat then watch television." Dean told him, Sam turned to leave, "Thank you Sam." Dean said gently, Sam smiled before shutting the bedroom door to find his coat, "Goodbye." Dean breathed grabbing a rucksack and putting his stuff into it.

Sam made a mental note, he had hidden all the ammunition, the knifes, the rope – everything he could to protect Dean, he walked up the stairs got into the impala and drove away; Sam did not know that Dean was headed down to the garage, finding one of the old motorcycles, then leaving a folded up note on the garage door, he started up the engine then looked back at the old bunker, "It's time to make things right." He whispered then he drove off out of the bunker into the sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3 - Human pain

The car journey with Castiel was silent, as soon as the angel had seen Sam he knew something was wrong; the way Sam was holding himself, the redness around his eyes – he knew it was Dean, Cass didn't understand why any human would hurt themselves but then again he had never really understood humans as a whole; he always thought they were creatures that hated to suffer, but to cause suffering to themselves and it to be a release, is something Castiel would never ever understand.

After Castiel understood a little more he asked Sam something, "If humans want to hurt themselves or end themselves, why don't they ask for help?" The angel asked with all seriousness in his voice.

"Cass some humans just don't want help, self harm it's like a release from stress. Every person is different, but we have to help Dean." Sam said pressing hard down on the pedal, he parked outside when he noticed tyre marks leading away from the garage, the car stopped making Castiel and Sam lean forward, "Something's wrong." Sam said, he got of the car and opened the base door with Cass close behind him, he ran down toward the garage, where a motorbike was missing, "Crap."

"He's gone." Castiel stated, the angel saw a note on the floor near the garage, "Sam." He said handing it over, it was clearly addressed to him.

Sam opened it then scanned it:

 _Dear Sammy,_

 _Oh my God, literally...I knew one day I would break and you wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces, however hard you tired. I love you for that bro; sometimes people can't be saved, not from themselves anyway, I've been self harming since I was seventeen Sammy, just because we have a brotherly hug as you wrap my arm up and play our favourite childhood song doesn't mean it is all over._

 _If Charlie ever returns from Oz, tell her that she was the best sister of all time._

 _Send an anonymous Christmas card to Lisa and Ben._

 _And tell Castiel he is my favourite second brother of all time._

 _And Sam, never think that this was your fault because it isn't, I let things go too far – this is my reward and I'm sorry. I know I hate chick flick moments, but I do love you more than anything on planet earth._

 _Dean._

Sam walked off thrusting the letter into Castiel's hand, "Meet me in the car." Sam told him as he walked upstairs with tears in his eyes; Cass read the note quickly then followed Sam as his vessel's heart dropped with pain.

"He blames himself for most things but if he is going to end it all, I have an idea about where he may end it." Sam stated, "You remember Meg right?" Sam said regretting the question straight away as Castiel turned toward the car window; Meg had called Cass her unicorn and it was clear that Cass had some sort affection for the dead demon.

"I remember Meg." _I remember the pizza man and it's a good memory,_ "But why do we need to remember her?" Castiel said trying to forget that his vessel was tearing up.

"When she wasn't on our side; before he met the Meg we knew and...stuff, she wasn't very nice to us and wanted us both dead, we threw her vessel out of a window and well when he got Meg out of her, the girl died. Dean regret it more than anything; he dreamed out her, how it was his fault and everything, then when Meg died, she regret that not because he just lost a new alli and friend, he let another girl die." Sam said driving the car as fast as he could to get to his brother.

"So you think that Dean will throw himself of the same building that Meg fell out of?" Castile questioned.

"That's exactly what I think." Sam said, they then sat in silence as Sam broke many speed limits.


	4. Chapter 4 - Dagger in my heart

The building was bordered up but it didn't stop Dean Winchester from getting in, he kicked it with one single kick then slowly walked up the stairs, he remembered being here with Sam and then finding his Dad, sometimes he liked to cool it the good old times; when killing one yellowed eyed demon was a piece of cake.

The time Meg was against them, not a love interest for Cass or someone the brothers' ended up trusting, then she ended up dead like everybody else they cared about, this was the only way out taking a slow walk to the roof and diving off, see Dean hasn't got wings, he isn't an angel – sometimes monsters, ghost, demons and angels forget that Dean Winchester is just human, with a reason to fight the good fight, that reason being his mother, someone he only knew for four years of his short life but those four years were the best four years of Dean's life.

His mother singing gently to him every night, the excitement of having a little brother which was in his mother's womb - _Mom, why did you eat my little brother?_ Dean chuckled a little, the times he had with Sam, his Dad and his mother in that six months may have been a long time ago, Dean might have only been tiny and didn't even know; his parents might have had their difference, but it was still home.

Dean reached the ladder to the top floor when he heard shouting; which sounded like Sammy but it couldn't be Sam, Dean thought the place he wanted to end it all was secret enough to keep from Sam, it was so clever; he thought it would at least take Sam a few hours to work it out, this was the place which broke him, the place Dean knew he wasn't just a normal hunter anymore – it was so much big then take; it had always been bigger than that, "Dean!" His brother sad voice called.

"No Sammy...please." Dean whimpered, he couldn't even see his brother but the roof was a bad idea now.

"Dean!" Castiel shouted, even he sounded sad.

Dean buried his hand in his pocket; his old pocket knife was the only thing Sam had forgotten to hide, "Dean!" He heard Sam scream again, he unfolded it and stabbed it directly next to his heart; he couldn't help but yelp out in pain a little, "Dean?" Sam saw him, he saw Dean withdraw the blade, his breathe stopped and he ran over to Dean as he fell like an old toy a child had become tired off. "No!" He screamed, "Castiel!" He screamed as he picked up his limp brother.

Castiel ran over, he looked at the wound, "He missed his heart, he has moments – Sam if your brother truly wanted to die, us angels might not be able to do anything; not if the person doesn't want to be healed." Cass stated as tears fell down Sam's face and his sobs came out in sort breathes.

"Just try please." Sam begged, Castiel placed his hand on Dean's forehead and to his surprise the wound healed, "See not all suicidal people truly want to die."

Dean slept all the way back to the bunker, he didn't even stir when Sam carried him down with him thrown over his shoulder but when he did wake, the sounds of his screams; the sound that escaped the lips of a man who wanted to be dead but couldn't, it made Sam and Castiel's heart stop, "Can you ever just let me die?" He called.

"No Dean, I couldn't cus you're my big brother and I love you too much to leave you." Sam cried back, Dean didn't say a word after that and he wouldn't let them in his bedroom, he just lay there crying, Sam felt this urge to kick the door down and shake his brother into reality but right now, his big brother just wanted to be alone with himself.


	5. Chapter 5 - We're here, always

**My last chapter, ahhh. My big Supernatural fanficton** _Parallel love_ **will be posted soon, summary of it at the end of the chapter.**

 **I am sorry if auto correct changed Castiel to Castile - it's annoying really.**

 **Warning this is very short!**

In the morning Dean unlocked his bedroom door; Sam was sitting outside with a pillow under his head, he turned his head towards at the sound of his big brother's footsteps. He didn't say anything, neither did Dean, they both knew; the youngest Winchester rose from his seat on the ground then stepped forward, Dean threw himself into Sam's arms, _it's okay._

Castiel watched from a distance, he was confused, Dean had once told him he hated chick flick moments but this was most deficiently a chick flick moment but Dean didn't look sad, he looked happy to be in Sam's arms. Cass turned and walked but Dean saw him, "Where do you think you're going?" Dean ran to him, attempting the hug him but Cass just stood there, arms by his side, "Thanks Cass." Dean said placing a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"It's good to see you Dean, it's good to see you okay." Castiel stated.

"No...I'm not okay..." Dean said turning to them both, "I don't think I'll ever be okay...I just need help, I just need someone to help me." Dean told them both spinning on his spot.

"We're here, always." Sam smiled, Dean smirked then all three of them head out to the living area, that day they didn't go hunting or fight a war, they stayed at the base as a family, Cass even laughed at the jokes on the television, no one had ever seen him so human but he was a Winchester then and always. Dean may not be okay in the long term, but with Sam by his side, he would always be fine – _they we're there for each other, until the end of the line._

 ** _Parallel love_**

 ** _Sam and Dean meet their sister from a parallel universe, she is very happy to see them and says she needs their help – with Castiel, the brothers travel to earth.2 where they're mother still lives...and some other unexpected surprises. DeanandSamwhump. OC._**

 ** _I own the character Liberty Winchester, Parallel love coming out mid July._**


	6. PLEASE READ!

**Hi there Supernatural fans, I'm sorry I haven't posted my new story, my laptop crashed and I lost all of the book and if I rewrite it I know it won't be the same.**

 **I am now writing a Star Trek Reboot story, called 'The Last Goodbye,' I am hoping that some of you are fans.**

 **See you soon.**


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